Anger, anger, anger...
It's easy to understand how an angry world would fixate on an "absence of anger" as a "problem," when it seems so different from the majority response to situations.
"You're just lying to yourself about not being angry."
Most Nines have heard those words-- or some variation thereof-- many many times.
What I find distressing is the lack of scope, when it comes to identifying an "appropriate" response, when something happens, in our lives.
If my house burns down, I feel sad, not angry. I feel sad that I no longer have my nest, that my family photos are gone, that I wasn't able to put out the fire. My house burning down is a LOSS, so I feel sad; I mourn it. I don't RAGE at it.
When I lose my job, I feel sad. Not angry.
While the world seems to think I am the one with the "personality defect," from where I am sitting it looks a lot like most people "use" anger as a way to avoid dealing with-- and sitting in-- their grief; their sadness.
And I am the one with the "problem?" Now... THAT implication makes me feel angry!
I was recently having a discussion about anger with my wife-- who also happens to be a Nine. She's been reading Karla McLaren's book "The Language of Emotions." In our discussion, something finally came to make sense... "anger" and "sadness" are different manifestations/expressions of the same root emotion.
Anger is sadness, and sadness is anger.
The same "thing," but expressed differently, in the outward sense.
In some way, this information makes me feel incredibly relieved. Like being told that I "don't have cancer," after all.
No comments:
Post a Comment