Sitting Still

The thing is, I really like "sitting still."

I believe all people are drawn to whatever actions make them feel good, and fulfilled. That is, at least if your primary motivation isn't fear.

Simplicity and stillness are things that make me feel good and fulfilled. Constant "busy-ness" does not-- in fact it makes me feel unsettled, jumpy and grumpy. "Being on the go" is not a positive feeling.

What bugs me is the "judgment," along with the underlying idea that there is some kind of "standard" way to live what the world considers a good life. A proper life. A life that is "emotionally healthy." But I always end up at the same starting point:

WHO decides?
And what makes THEM an "authority" on other people's lives... other people who are NOT LIKE THEM?

In those questions lie a large part of the reason why so much conventional therapy is doomed to failure. Most therapists lack the insight, or skills, or non-attachment to truly view their clients outside their own lenses of perception. Inevitably, what the client "should" do is filtered by the therapist's perceptions and experience. That is, with the exceptions of the tiny percentage of therapists who truly are clued in...

I like sitting still. I like "not doing much." I don't have a FEAR of doing... it's just that "doing" doesn't feel very good; I don't get a positive brain reward for "doing" the way I do for "not doing."

Some would hold that something is "wrong" with me, or I am "not normal" for a desire to not do.

Perhaps true, from a "majority perspective," but who is to say that a desire to "do" is the de-facto standard of behavior for ALL human beings?

Fear of Confrontation-- a deeper look

It is commonly held enneagram "wisdom" that Nines are afraid of (or avoidant of) confrontation. I've been looking at my history and considering why. Is the behavior inherent, or is it learned.

As far as I can tell, it is experiential. That is, my primary reason for avoiding confrontations is that it tends to "end badly"-- for me. Why?

Because arguments/fights/heated discussions tend to be quick-thinking, in-the-moment, spontaneous events. And I royally suck at "thinking on my feet"... that is, my brain is "wired" to think slowly and thoroughly... when I am "required" to come up with something "in the moment" I draw a blank-- another reason why I am really bad at things like Trivial Pursuit or other games that require quick thinking.

What made me think of it is the fact that I am very good at "debating," if I get to do so by email, where there is time to "think about" what I am going to say next. What's more I am not "afraid" of such debates, nor do I "avoid" them.

So, to extrapolate fully, my fear/avoidance of confrontation is primarily related to (a) the "fear" that I won't have a comeback (fact!) when arguing and (b) the avoidance of an "activity" that will inevitably leave me the "losing party."

I simply don't have "the winning argument" till I've had half an hour to think it through. "In the moment," I am tongue-tied and empty headed...

Earlier today, I started tying this to other aspects of Nine behavior, at least as it applies to me.

"Nines don't know what they want." Wrong. I DO know what I want, but it will take me 10 minutes to think it through, and you need (for example, when deciding where to go to lunch) my answer in the next three seconds. I pretty much always know what I want... but I need time to unbury the answer.

That saying... "Speed Kills?" Yeah, that could be applied to my brain...