When Enneagram Nines feel like parts of Enneagram Fours

From time to time, it seems like parts of me feel more like a Four than a Nine.

It's the whole "separation" thing. I have felt "apart from" and "different" from the rest of the world for as long as I can remember. And I mean that quite literally... a sensation I first became a aware of when I was maybe 4-5 year old... in which I experienced an inner realization that "Wow... I am just really not like anyone else on this planet."

The fact that I am a Highly Sensitive Person (or "HSP") may play into this, as well. Sensitivity is typically associated with Fours (outward expression) and Fives (inward expression) more than with Nines, but I am definitely part of the "tribe of HSPs."

Maybe what makes the Nine "apartness" feel different from the Four apartness is that whereas I am definitely aware that I am "different" I have no sense that something is "missing" nor that I have any kind of "special uniqueness" about me.

I am simply "aware" that it never feels-- and never has felt-- like I fit in on this planet. And when I sit and study "the feel" of that, all I experience is just a sense of "quiet resignation," based on actual experiences. There's no "drama;" no need to go into gales of "public histrionics," or anything like that. Just a quiet sense of "Yeah, there is is."

The reason I ended up writing these words is that my friend (who's a Four) periodically points out that I "seem very Four-ish, sometimes." We laugh about that sometimes, but I had never really taken the time to diver deeper into it.

My first recognition of this "being different" came when I grew aware that everyone around me felt very "loud" and very "violent" in a way I truly couldn't relate to. There was a sort of "aggressiveness" in their behavior that made no sense to me. I was a keen observer of the world around me... and the way people seemed to be... I dunno... "in competition" with each other... just didn't feel right. And it would feel even less right when someone would point out that I was "weird" because I didn't respond like other people, mostly to social situations.

As an adult, I have become aware that there are so many ways in which I truly and deeply "don't understand people."

I look at this through the lens of perception that Nines are frequently referred to as "The Peacemaker," and that explains a few things. Maybe I am simply a "peacemaker" to an extreme degree... after all someone has to be, just like someone has to be the person who has size 15 feet.  Maybe the effect is exacerbated by the fact that I have never felt any particular compulsion to "fit in." That, in itself, is perhaps a little UN-Nineish. Mostly, though, I think that's behavioral and I have my parents to thank for it... they always insisted that I "think for myself" and "make my own decisions," rather than follow the crowd.

Anyway, I amd exploring-- and will probably continue to explore-- the roots of my "differentness" because it feels somewhat counter to the typical type Nine attributes.

It's Just not THAT Important...

I think a lot of Nines get told that they "lack passion," at one time or another. The cultural definition of "passion" seems to involve being "strongly adhered" to something you are involved with. Or someONE you're involved with. I'll even go so far as to make the "snarky comment" that many cultural definitions of "passion" suggest that unless you pitch fits and throw things, "you don't got it."

And yet, we have loads and scads of workshops and books that teach us the value of "non-attachment" and finding a place of inner silence. Seems a bit contradictory, if you ask me.

I have been told-- more than a few times-- that I lack passion, and that I seem very "monotone."

I have also heard people talk about their "passionate" relationships... and somehow that "passion" seems to mostly be tied to the fact that they were "having a fight" with their partners, rather often. Which makes me wonder how anyone can think it healthy to pursue a situation that's about fighting.

The point I am getting to, here, is that a lot of stuff just isn't that important to me. Certainly not important enough to get all worked up over. It's just that other people perceive that those things are important, and those perceptions get them all fired up about little details. And those same people-- when considering those of us for whom the details are.... well... details-- seem quite set on the idea of telling us something is wrong with us, because we're not having the 43rd nervous breakdown (or fit of rage) of the day because we broke a shoelace.

I honor that people are all different. But seriously, folks? Let's get a grip here, and get a little perspective. Sounds to me like you are trying to rationalize your own dysfunctional behavior by trying to paint me as "the one with the problem."